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SAN DIEGO, CA – Worrying reports have arrived here at Film Music Purée offices. We understand that Californian authorities have launched a full-scale investigation after a forthcoming movie was announced at Comic-Con that will not feature a score by Hans Zimmer.

Under such dire circumstances it is understandable that law enforcement officers would not be willing to speak to us on the record, however our enterprising reporter did manage to get some details from one officer. Because he agreed to speak to us only once a guarantee of strict anonymity was provided, we shall refer to him as Officer X, though his real name is Dennis O’Leary and he lives in Grantville, Ca with his wife Louise and their two daughters, Macdonald and Burgerking.

Officer X

Officer X

“We had been monitoring all announcements of forthcoming movies with high interest after the recent UN Resolution on film scoring. It was going so well, with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 from Sony Pictures and the Batman/Superman movie from Warner Bros. Then a press release arrived from Pol Pot Pictures announcing The Reasonable Horticulturist II: Back to the Allotment which suggested the music would be composed by Brian Kilkline.”

Pol Pot Pictures quickly withdrew the press release and blamed a simple clerical error but Film Music Purée investigations suggest there are more sinister intentions. Kilkline himself has not been available for comment but his lover Colin told us that Kilkline has been working on the film for three weeks already, and his 22-minute suite “The dahlias have never looked so good!” was this morning passed over to his team of 35 interns from which they will fashion the score itself.

It is understood that a crack team of Black Ops troops has been assembling in Santa Monica, waiting for instructions from their great overlord before launching a full-scale assault on the Kilkline residence at the Sunnyside Trailer Park.

We will of course bring you further developments as they are made known to us.  We request that should you learn of any film music news worthy of inclusion in Film Music Purée, you contact us through the usual channels. | |

  1. TheOnlyOne (Reply) on Monday 22 July, 2013 at 19:12

    Oh my god I have tears streaming down my face. This is gold!

  2. John Walsh (Reply) on Monday 22 July, 2013 at 19:16

    And I thought you were going soft on Zimmer after that Man Of Steel review…

  3. Debbie (Reply) on Monday 22 July, 2013 at 19:41

    You can tell that it is a slow summer for soundtracks….really funny

  4. Henry Kissinger (Reply) on Monday 22 July, 2013 at 19:49

    Officer X looks like a commie faggot.

  5. Michael Dukakis (Reply) on Monday 22 July, 2013 at 19:50

    Hey Kissinger, did John Williams ever write a fanfare for YOU?

  6. Yumbo (Reply) on Monday 22 July, 2013 at 20:41


    A great laugh to wake up to.

  7. Jason Farcone (Reply) on Saturday 27 July, 2013 at 20:02

    if i was a fired up, fanboy defender of the OUTRAGEOUS mockery of hanszy shown here by this film music ‘intellectual’ from britland, i’d copy/paste my first response to when i saw james take a dump on man of steel:

    Jason Farcone
    on Sunday 16 June, 2013 at 06:05

  8. James Southall (Reply) on Sunday 28 July, 2013 at 00:30