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TUVALU – The first ever Livestock Festival for Reaction to Nominations for Best Original Score Academy Award (usually abbreviated to the more easily-said LFRNBOSAA) was held earlier today at the mutually-convenient location of Tuvalu in the Pacific Ocean.  Prominent members of the International Livestock Film Music Association (ILFMA) were on-hand to discuss the Oscar nominees.  Film Music Purée was honoured to be the only accredited film music news agency to have a reporter on site.  

Visiting luminaries included Patrick Pig, a swine from the Republic of Ireland whose least favourite film composer is Chris P. Bacon; José Horse, the equine representative from the great nation of Spain; Colin Cow, known through the bovine world but hailing originally from Uruguay; and of course Larry Lamb, a young sheep from Argentina.  It is worth noting that this is not the English actor Larry Lamb, notable for his appearances in Gavin and Stacey and Eastenders – but the esteemed Mr Lamb was in fact also present, having been invited to moderate the panel.  A transcript of their discussion now follows.

Larry Lamb

Larry Lamb

LARRY LAMB (Moderator): It is wonderful to be here tonight.
LARRY LAMB (Livestock): Thank you Larry, it is so nice to see you at a film music event.
LL (M): It is always interesting to speculate in advance about the potential Oscar nominees.  What do you guys think will be up this year?
PATRICK PIG: John Williams could record himself farting and the Academy would give him recognition, so The Book Thief is guaranteed.
LL (L): I think Hans Zimmer’s got a great chance with 12 Years a Slave.  Nobody seems to like the score very much, but everyone loves the film, so that should get one too.
JOSE HORSE: Let’s not forget Gravity – the Price was right for sure.
COLIN COW: Desplat and Newman are perrenial nominees.  Philomena and Saving Mr Banks will be up there, I’m sure.
LL (M): Well, no need to speculate any more, because here’s a live report from a girl with big tits telling us who’s been nominated.
GIRL WITH BIG TITS: The nominees are The Book Thief, Gravity, Her, Philomena and Saving Mr Banks.
CC: Those idiots.  How could they nominate Her?  It’s not even by a proper composer.
LL (L): Yeah, they haven’t got a clue.  It just goes to show, the Oscars are completely meaningless.
LL (M): But you’re here, talking about them.  Isn’t that a strange thing to do if you think they’re meaningless?
LL (L): Of course I’m talking about them, but that’s only because other people are talking about them.  I’ve never cared about the Oscars and I never will.
CC: I don’t care either.  They’re completely meaningless.
JH: Yeah, the only years they meant anything at all were the years when John Williams won.
CC: Do you remember when Chariots of Fire beat Raiders of the Lost Ark?  That was pathetic.  The Oscars are so pathetic.  Nobody cares about them.
PP: I care even less than you guys.
LL (M): Hold on, are all of you saying that you don’t care?
PP: Yeah – that’s what I’m saying.  I’ve never cared.  I cried myself to sleep when Jerry Goldsmith got robbed year after year.
JH: Listen to me – my enjoyment of a film score isn’t somehow influenced by whether it has won an award or not.  I’m a sentient being, capable of forming my own opinions.  And I’m a horse for fuck’s sake – all those humans out there must surely be capable of realising that none of this matters, that it’s up for them to decide whether they like something or not.
LL (M): Thanks everyone for your time.  We’ll reconvene in a few weeks to discuss the award itself.
CC: Great news, I can’t wait for the awards show itself.
LL (M): But I thought you didn’t care about the Oscars? | |

  1. Debbie (Reply) on Thursday 16 January, 2014 at 18:37

    I love Desplats, however his Phliomena score has much inspiration from his Extremely Loud,Incredibly Close score.
    However, for my money Loud/Close is quite an incredible score , quiet , brilliant and undercovered.
    The way Desplats portrayed the child’s thinking was outstanding/

    Philomena has many of the same bones…but it just doesn’t work as well.

    My humble uneducated opinion

  2. orion_mk3 (Reply) on Thursday 16 January, 2014 at 20:54

    I was with Larry Lamb (Lamb) on this one, sure that HZ would get his first nomination since Inception (which was rather prescient in retrospect–the Horn of Doom was nothing if not influential!).

    My initial kneejerk reaction to “Her” by Arcade Fire was the same as Colin Cow’s, but then I tried to seek it out to have a listen–it’s not available anywhere, even as an FYC! Makes one wonder how the Academy nominated it if they couldn’t hear it! I’m willing to give them a chance, though, since they did compose “Horn of Plenty” for Battle Royale Junior.

    -Orion Otter