Latest reviews of new albums:
The Gardener’s Apprentice


Album features music by acclaimed new composer – film generating buzz around the world – epic tale spanning generations – music inspired by Tár is already exciting renowned critics

Servis D’Apartment was working as a surgeon when one day – despite having no musical background or training of any kind – he decided to identify as a film composer. “It was really an easy decision,” explains D’Apartment from his home in Bogota. “I noticed that there is a large number of people who spend many years and lots of money on training in music and that most of these people are not very financially successful; but on the flipside of that coin you’ve got loads of people who don’t really seem to know anything about scoring films but because they are admired from their work in other fields, they get given Academy Awards and millions of dollars.”

Recent controversy surrounding the film’s director Dirk “Striker” Radish has not diminished the sense of anticipation towards the film’s release. “I did think it was a little suspicious when Striker opened that glue factory so near to the stables,” notes D’Apartment wryly. “At the end of the day, you can’t get away from the hold that Big Glue can have on local planning officers.”

The film follows the remarkable and thrilling true story of McDonald McDonald, who started life as an assistant to Lancelot “Capability” Brown and is generally regarded as being the brains behind some of the renowned landscape architect’s most famous creations; following a freak yachting accident McDonald found himself trapped in a parallel universe where his hair was replaced by cheese puff snacks. After an encounter with the Birds of Blood who reluctantly granted him the power to create glass bottles from plutonium, McDonald is transported across time and space.

Initially, D’Apartment took his musical inspiration from the films of Christopher Nolan. “What I realised was that Nolan was determined for the music in his films to emphasise the gritty reality of what was happening – these days nobody wants music in a film to take the audience away from the realism inherent in something like a man dressing up as a bat and fighting crime.” However, events of 2022 conspired to the composer realising that another approach was possible – specifically, the critical response to the score for the award-winning film Tár.

One of the most noteworthy aspects of Tár’s score is the fact that it doesn’t, in fact, exist. Servis D’Apartment was considering that when he read Mae Abdulbaki’s review of the film for Screen Rant, which notes that the score is “crucial to the film’s execution.” Vanity Fair’s Richard Lawson noted that the score is one of the film’s finest aspects. Many other critics followed suit. This caused D’Apartment to muse whether in fact these critics knew anything at all about film or music, or perhaps were just trying to say something that made themselves sound very clever but which, ironically, instead revealed their complete ignorance.

Given that ultimately D’Apartment did not write or record any music for The Gardener’s Apprentice, our album is in fact blank, but collectors will delight in its unique “flipper” cover and extensive liner notes by A.O. Scott of The New York Times, who has declared the score “unique in its enhancement of the film.” Fans will be particularly keen to grab this album because it is unlikely its composer will be scoring any more films in the foreseeable future. “I found the process of not writing music so stressful, even though I did it all while only wearing underwear,” reveals D’Apartment.

The limited edition pressing of 750,000 copies will go on sale on Monday evening. Given the anticipated demand, we are limiting orders to one per person.

  1. Steven K (Reply) on Sunday 17 September, 2023 at 16:43

    ‘ Servis D’ Apartment’ – LOL!