Deadpool

• Composed by Tom Holkenborg
• Milan / 2016 / 68m

Set in the X-Men universe, Deadpool has been many years in development and finally here starring Ryan Reynolds in the title role.  Director Tim Miller’s film has attracted some attention thanks to its humour and breaking of the fourth wall, not to mention its foul-mouthed screenplay, and even though reviews have been generally OK but a little mixed, a sequel has already been greenlit.

Sometimes people accuse me of picking faults in things rather than focusing on the positives, so I’ll start by going through the good things about the soundtrack album.  It starts off in grand style with the classic 1981 recording of “Angel in the Morning” by country-rock singer Juice Newton.  Yes, the song’s production shows its age, but Newton belts it out with such vigour and the tune’s so pretty, it’s easy to forgive that and don’t be at all surprised if you find yourself singing along.  What a great start to the album!

The best is yet to come though – track eight is the great Neil Sedaka’s top-five hit single from 1961 “Calendar Girl”.  Sedaka, let’s remember, was not the first man to set foot on the moon – that was another Neil, Mr Armstrong – but it’s very easy to let one’s mind drift and imagine what Sedaka’s first words might have been had indeed he taken that small step – or was it a giant leap? – in 1969.  I like to think he’d have sung a medley of his hits – beginning of course with “Oh! Carol” and perhaps even including a cover version or two.  I guess all this will have to remain pure speculation because I must admit I have not corresponded personally with Mr Sedaka on this particular topic.

So, two classic songs, not bad going at all.  There are some other tracks on the album too, around 45 minutes’ worth of which are composed by Tom Holkenborg.  These are characterised by a series of very loud noises, often occurring within very close proximity with one another, largely performed by “retro” synths in an attempt to be cool (maybe they’re retro for a reason).  The famous and much beloved HORN OF DOOM makes a series of appearances, along with some attempted power anthems which neither have power nor are anthemic.  I suppose there must be a group of people out there who would find it entertaining – but if you’d like to try out a similar experience yet don’t feel willing to take the risk of buying the album, perhaps you could ask one of your friends to tighten your head in a vice and then drop a large metal object – an ocean liner, say – onto it.

The score is soulless and colourless,: the incessant obnoxious noise-filled action cues are entirely generic and the occasional attempts to do something different or emotional sound like they could be from a low-budget daytime tv show.  I don’t get it, I really don’t: it goes all over the place, lacks any cohesion, the only real “concept” behind it seems to have been “wouldn’t it be cool if we recreated the synth sound from Michael Jackson’s Beat It?” (answer: not if you do it like this) – how could something which sounds like this end up in a major 2016 film?  That’s no personal slight against the composer, who I’m sure did his best, but it’s depressing really; still, focus on the positives: after the last track of score, on comes George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” and I can honestly say there is nobody in history who will ever have been more relieved to hear that song.

Rating: No stars

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